Over the last few months Ethel Walking has become an integral part of our lives. New walks often include an Ethel or two. We sometimes walk with friends, but always with our Lenny and Bhai. If we’ve not seen someone in a while, a meet up and Ethel walk is always a good thing to do. We have done quite a few recently and have almost ticked a third 29/95. But we are taking it steady and enjoying them as they come.
We have ticked the most off in one day with Stu and Sophie, a few weeks back. (This was filmed and will be on here soon) – 5!, with a tasty pint or two half way around and a curry at the end. Walking in the hills has become an absolute necessity in our lives. It provides a reliable constant, its predictable. To be in nature and put one foot in front of the other is one of the simplest most human things one can do. When grieving this intensely you feel so detached from reality, its like being on the Truman show – like the universe is looking at you and you are merely navigating through this insane world. Supermarkets are honestly the worst for me at the the moment. I used to not mind going, and browsing the middle aisle, but now its an absolute mind fuck!. Babies, colleagues, friends, students I used to teach, triggers on the aisle’s, I’m on high alert for all these things…. what will happen? who will be there? I can only liken going to a busy supermarket on a Sunday afternoon to riding a mountain bike down some heinous sketchy techy descent, you are hyper aware of everything, your senses pick up on every minute detail as you manoeuvre the bike to prevent a catastrophe. However, living with this rush in the supermarket and “normal life*” is unmanageable, the human head can only handle small doses of this feeling, but its so frequent at the moment, and this leads to endless exhaustion I love mountain biking but this is shit!
*Note my life is so fucking far from normal right now!!
Anyway I digress, Basically I love walking the Ethels with my amazing wife, some beautiful friends and of course my rad little boys, I feel so close to them and I feel that I’m living again. We walk not because it helps us but because its one of the only things we can physically do, without the impact of crazy adrenaline. The last few months have been so incredibly hard. Finding small things that we can do, which may hopefully bring us close to our boys, without expending all our mental energy is the goal, hence New Zealand. Really all I wish for is a simple afternoon watching some shit on TV, fire on, beer, roast in the oven, Lenny crawling around and Mim pregnant, the innocent simplicity, this calm sensation I will never feel again!
A big thanks to all those who walk with us! xxxxx